Soft Focus

I was playing narcissist in the mirror opposite my shower the other night (remind me tell you my theory on reverse narcissism one day) admiring myself all soaped and shiny, all the while thinking, "Hmmm… I'd like to take some pictures of us tonight."

My camera has been like a sex toy in to our bedroom on a number of occasions over the last few weeks. All this may seem like very old hat to many of you, but I'm a bit slow on the uptake of technology or at least at recognising its potential as I confessed in my very first blog entry here.

Anyway, I've discovered that I like to take pictures of us together. I like to look at them. I never realised how much I would. A single frame of his fingers disappearing into me gives me just about the same erotic charge as the real thing and I very much like the way my mouth looks wrapped around him. He likes me to take them, he likes me to tell him that I like to look at them -- it's a very sweet win- win situation. So, I had this on my mind, putting the final touches to a little selective shaving, when he popped his head around the bathroom door grinning like a school boy "bring the camera".

A while back, I had this conversation with Tony Comstock about what a woman sees when fucking or masturbating and talked about capturing reaction shots on film. This is in the name of research you understand. I've always been interested in how the sight of self contributes to the excitement of lovemaking-- mostly, women don't get to see their genitals much when they fuck, or are being licked or fingered, not unless you make the effort, to sort of sit up or look down and mostly you see the guy, which is super nice don't get me wrong. Or of course you can employ a mirror, which is another lovely story in itself

My camera has a little display screen that flips out but it also turns and swivels, this has made self portraits a whole lot easier to play with. What I realised on this particular night is that that screen captures and displays images that I hardly ever get to see of his body's interaction with mine. I thought "Oh my god I can see," and it's very hot to watch.

I wonder if by now you're thinking - hey isn’t this a little like being a tourist and viewing some spendour through the viewfinder of your camera? It does have elements of that, but there's also a good deal of humour in trying to literally focus on two things at once. Rapidly comes the time when pleasure wins out though and the camera gets turned off as I get more turned on.

In someway when I turn the camera to him, I get to objectify him in the most beautiful way --I frame his gorgeous cock and balls in my little screen and I hear myself cooing with delight -- "Lovely, lovely cock, oh wow that's so beautiful." As someone who occasionally paints, framing a view, is like finding a new of looking, it's the seeing with fresh eyes concept. It's why when you stop "seeing" a painting you're working on, you turn it upside down or hold it up to a mirror or put it somewhere where you'll chance upon it with a fresh glance that'll give some insight.

The more I watched on my camera screen, the more apparent the appeal became and grew more obvious to me. The view thing really struck me as a complete change of perspective literally and figuratively speaking and I also realised how very beautiful he is, all over again. It also let me see through his eyes for a moment.

I'm under no illusions, I'm a soon to be 42 year old woman with a soft belly, a c-section scar and a little more grey hair than I had a year ago, but I think through that camera I saw something of what he sees when he looks at me. He sees a woman with a certain lushness of bodytype, there all spread out, welcoming him -- eager and happy to be there, completely delighted that he's there.

"We look nice together don't we?"

"That's my view," he said, nodding agreement and smiling.