Hearing Voices

The recent talk of making smart, sexy porn and if the sex of the director matters involving Erika Lust, Tony Comstock and Ms Naughty got me to thinking about this notion of porn as a voice – if it's a female or male voice matters little to me.

What’s said and how it’s said does matter, because most porn seems to talk to me not so much in a monotone, but in an insistent inane kind of chattering, a sort of wanna be frat boy locker room babble peppered with wild interjections, rampant exclamations and blatant exaggerations – mostly bragging, belligerent boasting, skiting in loud, strident tones delivered with a sometimes snide and sniggering style that makes me wince and grimace or at least it used to. Or its language is the sensationalistic vulgarity of the simpleton sex graffiti that’s come to define and characterise the contents of my spam folder, where hair colour and tit size dominate the vocabulary and lurid loses its appeal inexplicably.

I want to be spoken to not in the furtive whispers and hushed tones of erotica that has me leaning forward, straining to pick up the what the soft talker’s saying and hoping against hope for more substance - for more than a vague promise, unfinished business and a glimpse of coyly crossed legs. Nor do I want to hear the quasi-academic, mumblings of pallidly apologetic instructional edu-speak. My fingers are in my ears – really they are!

I’d like to be spoken to as a adult in a clear and frankly filthy voice in a language that’s richly descriptive, evocatively punctuated with glorious cock and pussy and with the occasional flirtatiously, flamboyant flourish thrown in for good measure. Speak with familiarity, with respect, with admiration, with talk of my pleasure, with a dirty, cheeky humour – push me a bit. Give me some smart mouth sass. Dig me in the ribs a little, please.

I want it to be intimate banter, witty repartee, amusing chat, I want it to be Noel Coward, Spencer Tracy and Kat Hepburn - I want some sparkle and tension and tenderness. I want it to be run-on sentences, lust-driven, desire-filled prose that leaves me breathless. I want to blush. That’s the kind of porn voice I’d like to hear. Low and rich.

Speak to me like a lover might.